With a Whisper
by AlwaysCastle
Summary: Sequel to Wide Awake: Laying here now with him, his hot breath on her face, the very evidence that he is really here. She knew that he was in her life for a reason. Kate may not know what it was, but she trusted it wholeheartedly. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her that he was her one. Don't let him go.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a sequel to ****_Wide Awake._**

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

She was cloaked in him. His scent his warmth, his body and soul.

The epitome of everything Richard Castle, consumed her in a love so undeniable, it caught in her chest and made her remember why she was alive.

Alive as the crackling fire that woke her. That pop and snap of the flames that refused to go out. They flickered in their almost non existence around the surface of the logs. Rolling up around them, the red orange dwindling to the cooler blue that simmered in the ashes.

Kate turned in his embrace, his arms wrapped tightly around her, thumbs squeezing at her hips as he slept. The feel of his hands on her, his body pressed so close to hers, made her feel grounded. A heaviness that did not alarm her, but made her feel safe, protected, like nothing in the world could lift her from him.

She only wanted to be lifted by him. Her spirits soaring at his touch, his voice, his lips and his gaze. Kate didn't understand how she could have ever forgotten him. He was an important part of her life, her memories and her heart.

And laying here now with him, his hot breath on her face, the very evidence that he is really here. She knew that he was in her life for a reason. Kate may not know what it was, but she trusted it wholeheartedly.

Every fiber of her being was screaming at her that he was her_ one_.

Don't let him go.

Kate curled deeper into him, her hands sliding up his bare chest and hooking at his shoulder, tugging him in, and bringing his face into her neck. His breath ghosted across her collarbone, sending an inspiring awareness rippling across her skin.

She shivered, goosebumps and heat spreading throughout her, and she kissed his earlobe, feeling his body awaken against hers.

"I know you." She whispered into his ear, his heart. "I _know _you." She whispered again, wrapping her arms around his neck, and feeling his eyelashes flutter across her hot flesh.

He hummed, a grumble and a groan followed by a sigh as he shifted in his sleep. Castle's arms came more around her as he tipped back onto his back, pulling her over him. His eyes fluttered open when the whole weight of her fell into him. Every part of her pressed into every waking part of him beneath the blanket.

And when she opened her own eyes, having found him by memory, she saw his soft blue eyes looking up at her with almost as much surprise as her. Perhaps they were _both _in a dream. So lost in a made up reality, a place hidden away in the dreams they had once escaped to.

But now, it was a_ living _dream. It was real. And he was tangibly beneath her. His skin tingling against hers, prickling and breathing with her.

His eyes closed briefly, as if double checking that she was here with him. And when they opened, his hands drifted up her sides. A slow progression until they splayed across her back, pulling her into him.

He needed more.

And she didn't care that it became hard to breath. Her pelvis sharply tucked into his. The carpet biting at her arm as she tried to keep herself upright. Kate rose higher, his hold loosening, hand slipping from around her back to coast up her sides, tickling at her ribs until they glided up her arms.

He cupped her elbows as they bent into his palms when she adjusted herself, both arms on either side of him as her face came down to his. Kate's hair fell from behind her ears, casting them in shadow, cloaking them in the glow of her smile, the sparkle in her eyes.

"I feel you." She whispered. And proved herself so by brushing her nose against his. Feeling the soft skin smoothing along hers.

Castle hummed in agreement, hands roaming farther up until they reached her neck, one finger pressing lightly at her pulse, the rhythmic beat of her living soul beneath his fingertip.

"I smell you." She breathed him in, that hot sated skin, coffee and something purely him that she had always been drawn to.

"I taste you." She then said, voice coming out in a husk, sweet and tender as she pressed her lips to his. He moaned as her tongue laved his bottom lip, before he opened his mouth for her and she could fully partake in the taste of him.

When she pulled back, his eyes stayed on her lips, fingers delving into her hair, thumb caressing at her cheek, feeling and knowing and tasting everything her as she had him. She kissed him again, light, slow, lingering before she dropped her head to his chest, the full weight of her falling deeply and comfortably into him.

"I hear you." She mumbled against his heart, hearing the heartbeat in her ear, thudding in the walls of his chest and vanishing any doubt she may have had.

"You know me." He whispered back, his voice loud and vibrating against her cheek as his fingers tucked into the soft hair at the back of her head, holding her close, feeling her seep into his very essence and sigh in utter contentment.

* * *

When she finally dragged herself from the floor, her limbs heavy and tired in the most delicious of ways, Kate flitted her fingers along his face. Attentive touches to his cheekbones, a flutter over his eyelids, and a trace of his mouth until she lost skin. She straightened, staring down at him and draped a blanket over herself.

Kate padded into the kitchen, her feet silent along the cold floor, hands fisted in the blanket up to her chest, and just stood there for a moment. The fire had ceased to burn by now, the calm light of the rising sun peeked in through the windows, and cast it's feathered glow along the various possessions he owned.

Twisting her body without moving her feet, Kate brought a fingernail to her mouth, and looked over at the sleeping form of Richard Castle. He was thoroughly wrapped in one of the other blankets. The pillows from the furniture strewn about him, others encircled in some sort of love nest they had fallen into together.

She smiled, biting on her fingernail, watching as he turned in his sleep, hand flying out and knocking over an empty mug of hot chocolate. Kate would otherwise not believe she was actually here... but given the circumstances, her heart beating so rhythmically, singing out to his, she knew there was no other place she was meant to be.

And realized, as she finally moved her feet, that she kept repeating herself in her mind.

Like a mantra, the love letters of them, strung along through her veins, and bumping in her heart.

He's here.

I know him.

We _are _meant to be.

She felt like a coma victim, having just woken up from a very long sleep.

His name is Richard Castle.

His birthday is April first.

He's a famous writer.

I've known him for nearly four years.

He loves me. And I love him.

Kate sighed into the silence of the loft, the only other sounds were the cars outside, and the chirping of the morning birds. Again, she told herself. That this was real, pushed it from her mind, and finally did what she set out to do.

She remembered where everything was from the time she stayed here, when her apartment blew up. Taking two cups down, she set them by the coffee maker, and went to the fridge to find the coffee grinds. He kept his in the freezer, the chill of the inside filtering out and threatening to seep through the cracks in her blanket. Kate tugged it closer, grabbed the coffee with one hand, and shut the door with her hip, hearing that quiet thwap before she set about making coffee.

Castle groaned on the floor, and she smiled, her heart leaping excitedly in her chest as she turned around, and saw him rising slowly.

His own blanket was pulled up around him, hanging around his knees, hair mussed and blue eyes sharpening as he woke up. Castle kicked aside a pillow, and stumbled over another one has he spotted her, his face lighting up, the crinkles in the corner of his eyes deep with happiness.

She was momentarily stunned by it, falling back into the counter, lip pulled between her teeth. She stared at him over her eyelashes as he came nearer. Her heart becoming for of a staccato the closer he got until it thrummed like a hummingbird and he was gathering her up in his arms and enveloping her in his blanket.

Falling into his chest she let her own blanket fall, pooling around their feet. She slipped both arms around him, ear pressed to his heart and listened.

She wanted to repeat herself again. But instead, bit her tongue and just took him all in herself.

"I can smell the coffee." He mumbled into her hair, his chin resting upon her head.

_I can smell you. _

"Mmm," She agreed, rubbing her cheek on his chest before pulling back. "Go get dressed. I'll pour it." She said, kissing him softly and pushing him lightly away.

He leaned in for another kiss, savoring it with a swipe of his tongue along hers, and then reluctantly stepped away, leaving the blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

Kate laughed, watching his bare ass as he walked away, and shook her head at him. When he slipped from view, Kate let her lip fall out of her teeth and turned back to two mugs waiting for steamy hot coffee.

She found herself humming a tune she made up, vibrating across her lips as she poured the first mug. But her melody hitched, a squeak leaving her lips as they parted, and her eyes scrunched up. Slamming them shut tight, Kate set the pot back in the maker, and brought a hand to her forehead, letting her eyes open one at a time.

A strong wave of dizziness washed over her.

Kate blinked her eyes several times, biting her lip to as if to anchor herself down, ward it off. But it only grew worse. A cloud cast over her eyes, a darkness and she slipped to the floor. She crumbled in a heap on the blankets, the spoon from the counter clattering to the ground, it sounded far away, sharp and then dull until it rested beside her.

"Kate?" She vaguely heard him call from his bedroom.

But she couldn't find her voice, the shadows were overtaking her. An unbeatable storm that rested covered her on the floor of his kitchen. She had to stay conscious. But Kate was slipping, feeling the edges of her mind fraying and blackening the more intense it got, until her head hit the floor and the last thing she saw was Castle's running feet towards her.

* * *

**I don't know how i feel about this. so it may or may not stay up. We'll see.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Big Thank you too kimmiesjoy for making the picture for this fic :D**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

She was drowning again. Slipping deep into the inner recesses of her mind. The blackness dragging her down like an immense gravity. Murky shadows spreading through her head, probing the surface of her consciousness, seeping into her brain like a thick fog and corrupting the nerves in her body.

Kate jerked. Her limbs spasming out of her control, lights popping and flashing behind her eyelids, as if every synapse in her brain was firing all at once.

And then she stilled.

"What do we do?" She vaguely heard Castle ask somebody. Felt the tender, quivering hands that held her.

Lanie?

Didn't feel like Castle...

"Wait it out..." It was Lanie. Her voice cracking as she held onto Kate, her arms wrapped around her trembling shoulders.

Kate didn't know how long she'd been out. Only that she was still stuck there. Wherever this was. A place where her fears had been lurking, and threatened to come out and swallow her whole.

Had they gotten to her?

Was it not enough.

Kate tried to get a grip, listening, muscles straining to open her eyelids. But they wouldn't budge, and all she could hear was the soothing of Lanie's hand over her hair, brushing by her ear, and the retreating of feet.

They sounded so far away. As if Kate had drifted to the bottom of pool, and they were calling to her just above the surface. She tried to swim back up, call out to them, but it was no use. The weight got heavier, and she only sunk deeper into Lanie's arms.

"Castle." Kate sighed, her voice barely above a whisper when it finally broke through the fog. A silent plea as her head lolled back and she slipped deeper into nothing.

* * *

She woke on the couch. Her head rested in Lanie's lap, and the ME's soft brown eyes looking down at her as she fed her fingers through Kate's hair. She felt dizzy confused as her eyes adjusted to the light, the fire crackling to life beside her.

"What happened?" Kate asked, her voice louder than she meant it to be, or was she still somehow buried in the darkness?

Lanie looked down at her with fearful understanding. "Something I was afraid would happen." Kate stared up at her, seeing the tears just at the brim, feeling the soft caress, the apology in her best friends touch.

"What?" Kate asked again, trying to get up but swayed at the dizziness that still seemed to linger, and layed back down, letting Lanie sooth her with the attentive smooth of her fingers at her scalp.

"You're having withdrawals, from the drug." Lanie replied, letting her hand come to rest at her forehead, damp with sweat. "And the wound, is healing."

Kate brought a hand to the incision. Fingers brushing at the back of Lanie's knuckles as she rubbed circles in Kate's scalp. As if trying to ward off the rest of the fog, bring her back to reality.

Lanie shook her head, her hair falling in around her face. "Not that one." And took Kate's hand in hers, bringing it down beside them.

Kate sighed in frustration, squeezing Lanie's fingers and closed her eyes for a moment. She thought this was over...hadn't they had enough? Sure it made sense... she just... she still didn't see this coming. Didn't think it would be this bad. And would it get worse?

The tired detective took in deep quivering breath before releasing it and then her eyes snapped back open. "Where's Castle?"

Lanie continued her soothing of Kate's hair and sighed. "I sent him away... he..."

"That bad?" Kate asked, looking around for him anyway, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, to show him she's okay.

Lanie only nodded, looking away. "It was like you weren't here..." She then said, but Kate barely caught it.

"What..." Kate licked her lips, mouth dry. "What do we do?"

"I don't know." Was her truthful answer. "I don't know enough about it...I understand that your brain needs to heal... it... it was an intrusive procedure Kate... I ... I don't know if..."

"I'll relapse?" Her voice was even... calm, but her heart thudded wildly in her chest.

Lanie nodded again.

Kate closed her eyes, a tear slipping from the corner and wading over her cheekbone. "I can't lose him again, Lanie."

"Oh sweetie.. you won't..." Lanie leaned down, pressing her forehead to Kate's, "I'll figure this out... in the meantime...you might experience blackouts...thats what this was."

"A blackout..." Kate said nodding her head slowly. "How bad could they get?"

Lanie's head rose slowly away from Kate's, "Sweetie... I don't know..." And she honestly looked like she didn't. The ME so lost, as she continued to sweep her fingers through Kate's hair.

"Please.. " Kate swallowed, more tears flowing from her sad green eyes. "Am I going to lose him again?... I can't..." She choked, a sob catching in her throat, burning on it's way out.

"Shhh." Lanie soothed, pulling Kate into her. "I'm not sure...I'm afraid we will just have to wait and see..."

Kate brought her arms around her, burying her face in Lanie's neck. The blackouts she could handle...it was not knowing when or where, or how extensive her memory was going to relapse.

If it did...

If.

* * *

It was another waiting game.

Staring across the dinner table at Castle, his ankle hooked around hers and his fork poised in his hand. Food forgotten.

She could tell when he had walked back through that door, face severe, and lacking those crinkles in the corner of his eyes, that he and Lanie had already had the talk. And he had looked at Kate with terror like wonder, as if waiting for the second she would forget him, or fall to the floor and be lost somewhere in the blackness.

But they were not here for nothing.

Kate kept chanting in her mind as she made herself eat. Kept throwing him reassuring looks, trying to tell him without opening her mouth, revealing the broken hitch in her throat, that they would get through this.

Lanie had said it may not be all the time. It could be several days before another blackout. And even more horrifying, weeks or months before she started showing signs of memory loss.

But again.. it might just be blackouts...a way for her brain to find itself again, and heal.

She might not forget at all...

Kate felt sick.

Plagued by an illness, and now she was waiting for a bad day.

A bad day that may not even come.

"Hey." Kate whispered across the table, nudging him with her foot. She had already told him. Tried to reassure him that this could be a one time thing. And sure he had listened, done his best. But she knew that he could not shake the image of her lying in a heap on his kitchen floor.

She couldn't blame him.

Castle looked up at her, the fork loosening in his grip. "Sorry.' He replied, looking sullen. His hand dropping and his piece of chicken bouncing back onto his plate and scattering the peas.

Kate shook her head, pushing her hand across the table to him. "No sorries, okay... lets just.. can we..." She sighed, curling her fingers when she felt him reach for her. Feeling the smoothness of his skin, hot and worried beneath her rapid pulsing fingers.

He nodded.

But could they really act normal?

* * *

In the moonlight that cast in a harsh white glow across the bed, Kate lie awake, her head resting on her arm as she stared down the moon. She was afraid to close her eyes. Knew it was a ridiculous fear, and only sharpened it more, sending a panic through her chest at the thought that no.. closing her eyes wouldn't mean she wouldn't wake up... have a blackout.

Because it happened while she was pouring coffee.

It could happen at anytime.

Bits and pieces of her life that had already been taken from her, rubbed away like an image on an etch a sketch.

Her hand rose, silhouetted in the light of the moon, and she stared at it as if it wasn't hers. Wished it wasn't. Because if the fingers now pushing into her hair, poking at the incision that started this whole mess, wasn't hers. Then she could in fact close her eyes and wake up in her own life again.

Could a life too real actually turn out to be a dream?

She wished it worked like that.

Kate gritted her teeth, ground them together and flung herself onto her back.

She refused to be swallowed whole, and turned over on her other side, nose brushing his as she scooted closer, cheek on his pillow. Kate didn't expect for him to be staring back at her.

His blue eyes extra aware, glistening in the moons glow. If she was ever to get lost in anywhere.. it would be in those eyes.

"Hey." He whispered, hand coming up to rest upon her pale cheek. His thumb rubbed slowly in the hollow of her face, up over her cheekbone, and flitted under her eye.

Kate rested her hand over his, kissing his palm and giving him a small smile. "Hi." She answered, a whoosh of air leaving her full aching lungs and whispering across his face.

"I'll still be here when you wake up." He said, voice husky in finality, deep and strong in utter belief.

Kate leaned in, pressing a kiss to his parted mouth, and stayed there, just letting their lips be connected before she pulled back. "You will." She replied, before letting her eyes drift shut.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

* * *

She could hear his socked feet slide across the floor before he got back into bed, soft slow footfalls, not wanting to wake her. But he was unsuccessful, his knees jostling the mattress, as it sunk down with his weight, and she tried not to giggle as her body started tipping towards him. And when Kate opened her eyes, she saw him cringing, face scrunched up with one eye open... waiting.

"Hi." She laughed watching him sigh in defeat. He always said she looked so peaceful in sleep, wasn't oblivious to him watching her in the early hours.

His face changed. Smoothing into a soft happiness, she could almost see his heart fill in the blue of his eyes. "You know me." He whispered, that wide grin spreading across his face.

It broke her heart that he had to ask, see the doubt and fear in his eyes. And even the fall of relief in his shoulders as he let out his breath killed her. She wanted to reach out for him. Caress the side of his face, cup it in both hands and press her lips warmly and reassuringly to his.

But she knew, the best thing to do was not dwell. Not have another conversation about_ her_...

Kate smiled nonetheless and nodded.

Her hand moved across the bed of it's own accord as she sat up, the pillows tipping behind her as she folded her other arm over the comforter. Her fingers found his knee, then his thigh until his own hand reached out and their palms met. Hot, wanton flesh pressing against the other, just as warm, just as seeking and comfortable.

Her eyelashes fluttered with her heart. A coinciding motion that set everything else into a tingling soft awareness. He felt it too, that she knew for certain. Feeling that hitch in his pulse, the way his thumb caressed her knuckles at the same time his fingers squeezed around her hand. His chest rising and falling a little slower, breaths a little deeper.

"I was thinking." He said, his voice dipping low as his eyes caught at her lips.

"Mmm?" She hummed, eyes closing briefly as she felt him move just a tad bit closer.

"Since..." He drew nearer, knees pushing into the bed as he got on all fours, face closing in on her lips. "You don't have a fresh murder this morning." He mumbled, nose brushing the side of her cheek, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"Keep talking." She purred, tilting her head to one side, and gasping when his open mouth pressed a kiss there.

"You could go in late." Castle snapped the T at the same time he took her by the hip and laid her down.

She gasped in surprise, and hummed through her pursed lip smile, eyes narrowing in pleasure when he leaned into her. Hooking her arms around his neck, she pulled him in, rubbing her nose along his.

Her phone rang from his nightstand as she opened her mouth for him, barely getting a taste of her salvation. "You jinxed us." She scolded, slapping his chest before scooting out from under him. "Beckett." She answered as he growled from under a pillow.

Kate held the phone to her ear as she got a notepad out of his drawer, writing down the info quickly, and looking over at him with sad apologetic eyes.

"I'll get the coffee." He grumbled, throwing the pillow aside and leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek before slipping out of bed.

She watched him, a small smile escaping over her bottom lip as she bit down on it. "Give me twenty." She said, letting the phone slip from her shoulder into her hand and ending the call. Kate could hear him grumbling in the kitchen followed by the bubble and gurgle of the coffee maker.

Hastily, she tumbled out of bed, feet thudding on the floor and skimming across the surface as she bent and picked up her pants, shimming into them. Throwing on a shirt she made her way out of his room, pulling her hair from the collar and stepping into her heels

"Meet me at the 12th?" She asked, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking over at him.

He stood at the counter, pulling two travel mugs out of the cabinet. "With fresh, hot steamy goodness." He said. "And coffee." He added with a silly grin.

"You're cute." She replied with a roll of her eyes, going into his closet for her jacket. Slipping her arms in, she looked around her, patting the pockets down of her black pea coat.

"What are you looking for?" He asked turning away from the coffee maker as it started dripping and picked up a dish from the rack.

She could feel a small panic rising. Knowing she needed something but wasn't sure what it was or where it was. "My keys." She said in relief, looking in her purse but still coming up with nothing.

"On the hook next to mine." He said in alarm, whirling around from drying the few dishes in the sink. "Where they always are."

Kate turned from him, hiding her pursed lips and slowly lifted her hands, hooking her finger in the keyring.

_It's nothing,_ she said to herself, internally shaking her head.

"It's nothing." She repeated aloud, tugging the keys into her palm, silencing the jingle with her fist before turning around.

His hands had stopped drying the dish in his hand, and she thought he might drop it. His face twitching as he tried to school it and failing.

"See you at in a bit." She said, walking over and taking the plate from him, setting it down and kissing him softly. Kate lingered until he seemed to relax beneath her lips, and then swiftly turned away, letter the crease sink between her eyes for a moment as her heels clicked along the floor, out before the door shut behind her.

* * *

He stood frozen, the linger of her kiss on his cheek growing cold, seeping into his bloodstream. He'd like to think it was just keys... but... she never forgets. Castle wondered, when he finally found the ability to move again, if this was just the beginning...

Did it escalate?

What would she forget next?

He shook his head, growling into the tense silence of the kitchen and turned back to the coffee. His face was stern... so taunt with the inability to just breath and try to think through it.

But it hurt.

The muscles in his face twitching, his eyes watering as he forgot to blink. He nearly overflowed the coffee mug before he realized, setting it down with a loud whack on the countertop and sighing heavily at himself.

Everythings fine.

She was just distracted.

He almost smiled at himself. That's it...He just was wasn't he.. so that must be it.

Again Castle shook his head, letting out a small laugh and twisted the caps on both the mugs, before setting them on the dining room table.

_Kate was just tired.. a bit distracted.. she just needs some coffee_. He thought to himself, crossing to the door and opening the closet. But he couldn't help his drifting eyes, the way they landed on the hook by the door where his own keys were.

He snatched them up at the same time he thrust his arm fully into the sleeve of his coat, frowning down at them, twirling them around his fingers and listening a little too intently to the jingle and whirl of metal sound they made as the air whooshed through them.

They stopped, jamming into his fist, and then pushed into his pocket as he gathered the coffee. Juggling them, he opened the door, hugging one of the mugs in the bend of his forearm as he locked it behind him, and told himself again.

Everything's fine.

* * *

"Do you know anything yet?" Kate asked, pushing through the double doors. The air threw her hair back, and when it settled in her eyes, she blew it away with the corner of her mouth.

She stood exasperated, her entire body quivering from the inside out, her nerves in a twisted mess. She was failing...quite miserably to pull herself together, and she was thankful that Castle wasn't there to see it.

Lanie was pulling on a pair of her pink latex gloves when she looked up at Kate, and tipped her head to one side, "I barely started the autopsy."

"Lanie..." Kate bent her head, looking down at her shaking hands which she locked around her wrists. "I am freaking out here... I...I don't forget things...I mean...my keys? my _keys_ Lanie!"

The M.E walked around the victim, and took Kate by her shoulders, rubbing her thumbs along her arms. "I don't know yet... and maybe you were distracted..."

Kate looked up, trying to avoid her best friends eyes, but she couldn't resist. Needed them to tell her the truth, the guide her in whatever this is that was happening. She didn't find that exactly. What she saw there was sympathy and heartbreak.

The deep chocolate staring back at her, eyelashes fluttering as she blinked. Coupled with the grip of Lanie's hands at her arms, soothing her with a look and a touch, relaying that, she wanted to do anything in her power to help...but she honestly didn't know how.

"I was a little distracted...Castle was..."

Lanie raised her eyebrow.

"Being cute."

Lanie sighed in mock disappointment, letting go of Kate and going back to her autopsy. "I haven't had a chance to look into this yet, sweetie." She said after a while, scalpel in hand.

The detective said nothing, wrapping one arm around her abdomen and chewed on her fingernail. She felt so off today. Her heart pounding, her hands clammy and her stomach doing flips.

Every moment was like a time bomb. When would she end up on the floor next?

"But I can tell you one thing." Lanie's voice drifted through the haze.

"Anything Lanie.. anything you can tell me."

Lanie lifted the scalpel from the victims skin, letting her hand rest at her hip. The metal shone, as if extra bright in the fluorescents of the morgue, and Kate had to look away. It made her feel queasy, her own incisions, scars left behind by that very object, tingle and crawled with awareness.

"I might be able to get ahold of your CT's."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry its been a while, had a lot going on.**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

* * *

She couldn't sleep, her own memories playing like a montage in her head. Piecing together every single moment with him that had once been stolen from her. She saw it instead of her own reflection in the window. The streets of New York below, gone, the sun as it steadily rose, gone.

All she could see was that smugass grin on his face when they first met, his intoxicating smile in the interrogation room, hear his attempts at flattery.

Richard Castle was cheeky, self assured, and confident. He was a pain in the ass, but even then he was unforgettable.

Kate smirked, a small sound of amusement leaving her lips as she pushed her finger between them. She hadn't realized that she had retained so much detail. From what he was wearing...

That white button up, his blue eyes so bright and piercing. The wide eyed innocence that fooled no one. And it didn't help that he was completely handsome, totally sexy, and he knew it.

She could so vividly recall that tone of voice he used, deep, and alluring, and the way he was so attentive to her.

Wasn't like he wasn't now...or had been throughout the years. Every other moment from then on was still locked away in her mind.

But it was that first moment. That first meeting, that she needed to hold on to.

Because without it...

She sighed pressing her forehead to the cold glass and closing her eyes. Tugging her bathrobe up around her shoulders tighter she listened. But from where she sat in the living room, feet curled up on the window seat, she couldn't really hear anything.

It scared her, that painful pang sharp through her heart, and she got up. Padding through the loft until she rested at his bedroom door, hip against the frame, arms wrapped tightly around herself.

And then she let out a sigh. That gust of air she hadn't realized she'd kept so tight in her chest, quivering out through her lips and into the silence of the room

He was there, fast asleep.

Kate just stared, watched the subtle rise and fall as he breathed, caught the slight flicker of his eyes behind his eyelids as he dreamed. She wondered if this was all in her head. Just a dream, a nightmare and the next blackout would land her in her actual reality.

She shook her head...her hand rising to press at her temple.

It hurt.

Or maybe that was all in her head too...

That tiny crack in her brain, a fissure that felt so permanent. Like there was no moving on from what they'd done...it was a reminder, and she wanted to laugh.

As if she could forget.

It was the one thing she wished she could. Wake up and only remember her life with Castle. A life she was so afraid would not exist to her at any moment.

How could she sleep, knowing that even _this_ moment, could fade to black.

* * *

The cup almost dropped from her hand, a gasp leaving her lips, so fast and so startling she choked on what air was left in her lungs.

"Kate!"

She looked up, his eyes bright with shock, concern and she didn't understand it. Couldn't decipher anything around her, her eyes still stuck in the past. The darkness of his room, the slight chill in the air.

"How did I get here?" She asked putting the mug down, afraid she'd drop it, shatter it into a million pieces. But she couldn't let go of it, the hot porcelain burning her skin, waking her fuzzy senses.

Castle stared at her, mouth agape before he closed it, hand sliding across the table towards her shaking frame. "We walked here, Kate." He said, pleaded with her as his finger pressed into hers still clutching the mug.

She looked to her left. Out the large window of Remy's diner, seeing people walk by. The cars rushing past, the light change at the corner street.

"I..." Blinking she looked down at her mug, swore the last thing she remembered was staring at him from the doorway as he slept.

That was...two hours ago.

"I don't remember..." Her mouth dropped open, and she felt the tears leap to her eyes, her vision blurring and she barely saw him get out of his booth.

She was hardly aware of anything else. Only the sound of her own breath panting from her parted lips and her blood rushing in her ears; until she felt his hands wrap around her and guide her out of the diner.

"Kate." She was pressed into the building, the cold brick digging into her back. His finger hooked under her chin and lifted it until his blues pierced through the mist in her eyes. "What was the last thing you remember?"

She shook her head, swallowing down the lump in her throat and sniffling. She could hardly breath, hardly hear or see anything else.

Except for him.

"Castle." She whispered, her hand trembling its way up his chest until her fingers touched tentatively to his jaw, and her palm laid flat against his cheek.

"I'm right here. " He whispered, his own hands cupping her cheeks, "I'm right here." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and they stood there together, breathing in the same terror, until it turned to puffs of relief, and Kate relaxed under his hands.

* * *

Castle didn't know how long they stood there, just staring into each other. All that mattered was that she knew him. Her trembling, skin, watery eyes and quivering lips knew him.

He wanted time to stand still. Feel her, love her in this one moment as long as he could, for as long as they had. And they knew at the beginning of this, that is was a matter of time...when.

But it had been a few weeks since she fell in his kitchen, A few weeks of scares, sleepless nights and clinging to one another, loving one another with everything they had.

"Castle." Kate's eyes blinked, her fingers heavy on his face as they slid down his cheeks to his shoulders. She gripped them tightly, pressing herself into him, mouth so close. "Take me home." She pleaded.

He nodded, forehead rubbing against hers, but he didn't move. Didn't want to, as if fear itself had crept up his spine and left him paralyzed.

"I know." She breathed across his lips, coasting her hands to his neck, fingers feeding into his shirt. "I know." She whispered again, kissing him.

He clung to her, his panting breaths, and urgent lips making it hard to breathe. The ache, and the fire and the fear rose up, choking him and sending him crashing into her, gripping her tight and feeding on anything she had to give.

But she met with him just as much force, just as much longing and nearly lost hope herself, so lost that they _did_ forget where they were. Because all the needed, all they wanted, was to know, and touch and feel each other. Taste the hope that still lingered on her tongue, in her tears. Feel the love and devotion in the grip of her fingers and in the rise of her body as she met his.

And it didn't matter if they did forget, as long as she remembered him now, and any second, hour, or day beyond.

* * *

They hit the soft sheets of his mattress an aching longing relief from the cold brick once at her back, the hard dig of his hands at her waist. His touch was less fierce, less hurried but more seeking and forgiving. His lips were palpable, tender and attentive to hers that met his so willingly.

They opened for her, his entire soul sliding into her mouth, pulling at her heart and laying to rest over her as her clothes lay scattered on the ground.

And when his hot burning flesh pressed into hers, that prickling, flint casting sparks through her entire body, Kate let go, gave in and enveloped him in her every desire.

"I don't want you to forget." He whispered into her ear, his body rising as hers arched ready to meet him.

Kate hooked her leg around his calf, pulling him closer, her eyes pleading and thick with want, "Make me remember."


	5. Authors Note

**Authors Note: I'd like to start off with how sorry I am that I haven't posted in a few months. That being said...This story will be put on the back burner for a while longer, due to Writers Block, and that this particular story has stopped speaking to me, hopefully it'll become chatty again.**

**Thank all of you who have been reading this little series from _Wide Awake, _who have reviewed/faved/followed or just read and like it in general. Thank you all so much :D and I hope to someday finish this.**

**Lizzie**


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